Mrs. Iowa Pageant Day 3.0

Day 2 ended with me trying to get cell reception and call my best friend. Day 3 started at the theater at 11 and went until midnight. Steve of course wasn't allowed in the dressing room and I desperately needed reinforcements. I had found a few other outcasts who either thought I was cool or didn't want to stand alone either, but it wasn't the same. I still felt like a blue dot in a red petri dish and I was just bored with these people.

I showered and left for the theater. Girls walked in with their make up artists with Louis Vuitton wheelie suitcases. I walked in with my dead guy's train case. The outcasts set up shop in one dressing room, and the super glam girls in another. I joked that we should start a gang war, and no one laughed. 


I was the only one not wearing heels. We all decided we should practice the dance since no one was directing anyone. I think I cracked after hearing a j-lo song for the thousandth time.


My bestie FINALLY made it, I picked her up and didn't want to put her down. I wanted to wear her like a backpack so she could live through this with me. They had to run some errands and Steve went to grab me a sandwich. By 3 I was able to sneak off stage and grab a few bites. One of the barbies who had never talked to me before, comes into the room and goes "You can eat anytime, the choreographer is here." I'd like to think she was rude just because she was jealous of eating. I joined back just in time to wait in the wings while the choreographer was adding in a real dance studio and was showing them the moves. I was so over everything at this point. I wanted to go sit with my peeps and make jokes like they were, or eat my sandwich.

One of the girls reminded the directors that we needed to vote for Mrs. Congeniality. I voted for myself. It was almost show time! I couldn't wait...to get this over with...


These are all the Iowa ladies that I was competing against in our opening dance outfits. It was so stupid.


Also, with the real dance crew or whatever, the contestants dancing was pointless.  

Then costume time. They handed out the award right after so the audience would remember who wore what. I, of course wore this: 


(the lady next to me is holding a chicken, I made a cock joke and she looked at me like I stabbed her) The girl that won best costume wore this:


After seeing the costumes I shouldn't have won, but this girl shouldn't have either. I think you have to either be dressed as a show girl or a native american to win best costume. 

Before swimwear I caught a girl topless in all the mirrors. Then I saw her before she went on stage. HOLY PADDING BATMAN! Now, I knew all these ladies were packing, but I figured no more than a push up bra and a few chicken cutlets. This girl went from a tiny A cup to a pornstar DD.

I'm going to have to split this into two parts. Too much to tell!